* Yes = No.

* No = Yes.

* Maybe = No.

* I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry.

* We need = I want.

* It’s your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now.

* Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.

* We need to talk = I need to complain.

* Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to.

* I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron.

* This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

* I want new curtains = carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper.

* I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

* Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.

* How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re going to hate.

* I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

* You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

* Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you’re dead.