*THESE WERE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING
FOR A
TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE
LEAST
ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:*

*1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife
Marrying you has screwed up my life*

*2. I see your face when I am dreaming
That’s why I always wake up screaming*

*3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not*

*4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you ’cause I was
pissed.*

*5. I thought that I could love no other
— that is until I met your brother.*

*6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is
sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar
bowl’s
empty and so is your head.*

*7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.*

*8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!*

*9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?*

*10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe ‘Go to hell.’*

*11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime!*

*WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING?*